One of my favorite personal coaches, Emily Schromm, says, “Be your own superhero.”
What if you decided to be your own superhero in your relationship?
Most couples come into my office wanting their partner to change:
If only he would be more attentive / punctual / responsible.
If only she would be more relaxed / less critical / more sexually willing.
Read: If only my spouse would do the work, our marriage would be sooooo much better.
Where is your power in that?
Believe me, I get it…I’ve been married for 14 years and am well aware of wanting a spouse to change so that I no longer need to feel annoyed by his [fill-in-the-blank]. But frankly, this attitude is crap.
When you want your partner to do the changing, you have given all of your power away...and you are not reaping some of the real benefits of doing the work in a committed relationship.
Take a page from the superhero-playbook and get empowered in your relationship.
Superhero Tip #1: Hone Your Spidey Senses
Spiderman has the keen ability to sense trouble. Maybe his skin prickles or his heart flutters when he detects danger — whatever it is, it works.
Sharpening your intuition and your ability to recognize trouble in your relationship is vital to your relationship’s health. I often call this, “keeping your hand on the pulse of your relationship”. When you attend to the rhythm of your relationship, you will notice when it begins to skip a beat.
Superhero Tip #2: Show Up
When a superhero’s instinct is awakened the first thing that they do is show up.
Batman magically materializes. Catwoman responds to the call and descends in full force ready and willing to engage in reconciling the situation at hand…no hesitation, no second guessing. Superheros are fully attentive to the situation not half-heartedly facing the villain whilst checking their Facebook status.
One of the biggest hurdles in relationship is showing up in those places when you feel petrified with fear or anger. Or, not showing up at all because you just have no idea what to do to make a change.
If you do not know how to move passed the fear, anger, or inexperience, ask for support. That’s what your sidekick is for — a trust friend, minister, rabbi, therapist, or coach. If you feel like you cannot show up on your own, show up with your team.
Superhero Tip #3: Be Confident
Even in times of indecision in your relationship, there are always things that you know for sure.
- You might know that you love your partner.
- You might know that you do not want to get a divorce.
- You might know that you deeply want to connect with your partner emotionally.
- You might know that you want to explore your sexuality more creatively.
- You might know that you are ready to be done with pain and discomfort that you have been experiencing.
Superheros are confident because they stand in their knowing (e.g. protecting Metropolis) but also know their limitations. Learning how to stand firmly on your own knowing while understanding your weaknesses is not only valuable but vital to a healthy relationship.
If you are not sure how to begin on your Superhero journey, call us today. We are here to help you be your own relationship superhero! Call now: 720.457.3342 or book online.