Writer, lecturer, and Buddhist-meditation-guru, Tara Brach writes in this week’s Huffington Post article that if we defend against the experience of loss, we miss the opportunity to connect with others. What she is talking about is how most of us push away those feelings of sadness, pain, and hurt covering them over with the “I’m fine” mask of the world. Loss comes in countless forms…there are the big losses of a death of a loved one, grief of an illness, loss of a relationship or marriage, home, or job…there is also the loss of a dream or hope.
If you have lived at all on this earth, you have experienced loss and pain…hurt and suffering. We often compare our suffering to another’s and might think, “Well, my suffering is not as bad as his so I shouldn’t complain.” It is not about complaining, it is about FEELING. We are creatures who were made to feel. If we do not feel our feelings we often get sick or out of alignment in some way and then life becomes more difficult and feels “stuck”. By feeling your own feelings, you are helping to heal your relationship with yourself and with others! This work requires a certain level of robustness but it is worth the effort.
Here are some simple steps to healing through a loss:
Relationship Tip #1
Spend some time with your feelings…really get to know WHAT you are feeling. Most of us can only come up with a dozen or so feelings so here is a list of feeling words to get you started. Really notice HOW you are feeling about the loss, what it reminds you of, or how you tend to react.
Relationship Tip #2
Once you have identified how you feel share these feelings with someone. It might be a trusted friend or a therapist. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, you might write about these feelings. Writing and drawing our feelings can be extremely healing when we have held inside the pain from a loss.
Relationship Tip #3
Take inventory of what you have learned from the loss. We are ever-changing and ever-growing creatures! We are learning from our experiences constantly…so what have you learned from your loss? This can be an intense question to ask but it is a question rich with opportunity to grow and change if we are willing to ask it and be present to the answers that we receive. Be honest here with yourself.
Relationship BONUS Tip #4
Anything you are able to do for yourself, you are able to do for someone else. Now that you have done your own work with your loss, you can be more present to your partner/significant other, friend, co-worker, child, or parent in their processing…and this means that your relationships with improve!
If you find yourself interested in delving more into this work, I would be happy to see if I might be able to help you! Call me at 720.457.3342 or schedule a free 20-minute consultation by clicking the red “Book Now” button on this page!