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7 Reasons to Do the Work in Relationship

April 14, 2014
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Posted By: Counseling Center of Cherry Creek

The work of committed relationships can feel overwhelming. We are raised in a culture where we believe, deep down, that if a relationship is "meant to be," it won't be a ton of work. However, relationships are a ton of work and can be challenging. But what in life that's worth doing isn't a ton of work?

The busyness of our lives is never-ending, from our careers and family relationships to caring for our home and seeking a brighter future for ourselves. The list goes on and on. Even though life can sometimes be almost too hectic to handle, here are seven reasons why doing the work in a relationship is worth it. 

#1 You become a better person.

When you do the real work in relationships, it means doing your OWN work. This may look like taking stock of how and where you’re accountable for the positive aspects, as well as areas in need of improvement. 

Your partner may mirror your beauty and rough edges, the things that make us human. Perhaps spend time with these rough edges, get to know them, and do your own healing work if needed. 

Learn to take feedback from your partner and practice how to hear feedback without taking it personally. 

#2: Your partner becomes a better person.

Similarly, your partner can do the same work on their own rough edges. It’s an extraordinary thing to both be working on becoming better people to make a relationship that’s stronger and secure. 

#3: If you have children, they can see what it’s like to have a real relationship that requires work.

Your relationship gives your child a template for behaving in their own relationships in the future. 

For example, if you are teaching your child English as their first language, you would never expect them to speak Spanish magically when they get married.

If you want to show your kids what a healthy relationship with others can look like, you have to show it in your own actions. If you want your kids to know how to play nice, share their feelings, forgive, be flexible, and not behave like the world revolves around their needs, why not model these traits in your own relationships?

#4: You get to feel seen and valued.

Most people desperately want to be seen, heard, and valued. This is a normal part of being human. 

Doing deeper work in a relationship helps you learn how to be vulnerable and how to witness and value someone else’s vulnerability. This is a uniquely human phenomenon, and it can have a powerful impact on your life and the lives of others. 

#5: You learn to DO love.

Love is a verb. It is imperative to learn how to DO love rather than how to SAY that you love someone. I once heard a story about a holy person who said something to the effect of: “Don’t give sermons. Let your life be a prayer.” In the same vein, I would say, “Don’t say that you love someone. Let your thoughts, actions, and words be a vehicle for that love.”

#6: You become more compassionate to others.

Doing your own relationship work creates enormous compassion for others and reduces judgment. It can be easy to think that some couples should or should not have divorced. It can be easy to judge how you think other people’s relationships should be. 

 When you do your own relationship work, you understand that it’s a very personal and private unfolding. Even when you give it your all, sometimes things don't turn out the way that you think or hope they might.

#7: You get to experience the sweetness on the other side.

Couples experience a sweetness when you realize that the person you have chosen is also choosing you consciously, each and every day. This sweetness is a feeling that can radiate through you, like stepping into a warm ray of sunshine. Though it can be fleeting, it’s still very profound and real. 

Getting to this sweet spot is why we do the work. It’s not always easy to arrive here, but where there is genuine trust, respect, and love in your relationship, you can weather the storms in life. 

It may be surprising to know that often the couples that have an extraordinarily strong connection and foundation are the same ones who have walked through some of the toughest challenges: affairs, financial ruin, chronic illness, and deaths. 

If you are ready to create a meaningful change in your relationships, contact us today for a free 20-minute phone consultation. You can call us at 720.457.3342 or book online.

We look forward to hearing from you!

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We are so excited to see you on October 30th at our new address, Cherry Tower, South Cherry St. Suite 220 Denver, CO.