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Counseling Center of Cherry Creek

The Opposite of Love is Not Hate, It Is Indifference

December 12, 2017
Posted By: Counseling Center of Cherry Creek
Couples Therapy Denver CO

Elie Wiesel, prolific writer and Holocaust survivor famously said, “the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference”.

If you have ever had a lover who didn’t call, a partner who ignored or rebuked your physical advances or a parent who neglected you, you know this is true.

To be unseen is to be invisible. It is to not matter. To not have value. To be meaningless. And to not exist.

Most people walk around with a corner of their psyche that already feels not good enough, that feels like a fraud or a failure, that feels unlovable, or like they do not belong anywhere.

When that wound gets activated through indifference by a coworker, friend, partner, or family member it can feel devastating. And the repair work from these breaches of trust or betrayal can be challenging.

Many couples come to us because they have had years of emotional wounding which can include heavy doses of indifference over the course of many years. They want to know:

“how do we get past the hurt?”

Number one…you must start engaging now and drop the bad habit of indifference. That means, start acknowledging your partner even if you don’t agree with them. At least reflect their concern or complaint and practice seeing their pain and hurt so that you are not continuing to perpetuate the same kind of damage for the future.

Number two…be accountable for how you have been indifferent (or unkind, mean, aloof, etc.). Own it without excuse or defense. Level yourself up by not engaging in a blowout fight but taking your partner's hand and being accountable for the things that you have done or said. (I know, this can be so hard! And, that is just what it takes to heal.)

Number three…get guidance. Relationships don’t come with user manuals. Fine tune the bumps in your relationship by working with a therapist trained to work in relationships and you will receive support, education, and important tools for moving your relationship through the hurt into a space of connection and strength that can more successfully weather the challenges that arise.

Contact Our Client Ambassador

Call her today at 720.457.3342 and she can get something booked for just you or for you and your partner immediately. 

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