Counseling Center of Cherry Creek

Characteristics of a Conscious Relationship...Week One

January 24, 2020
Posted By: Counseling Center of Cherry Creek

Take Responsibility for Communicating Your Needs and Desires to Your Partner

In an unconscious relationship, you cling to the childhood belief that your partner automatically intuits your needs.  In a conscious relationship, you accept the fact that, in order to understand each other, you have to develop clear channels of communication.

Hollywood gives us a false perspective that love is about knowing exactly what your partner wants.  This is a setup for disaster! No one can know what your wants and desires are at any given time, and it is your responsibility to communicate clearly to your partner what you need from them, while keeping in mind that you are making a request, not a demand.


Now, what do clear channels of communication look like?  And, how do we do that?


Expressing Yourself:

If you are someone who grew up in an environment where a parent or sibling was the primary focus of the family, you may struggle to even know what your needs and desires are, much less feel confident to express them.


And, it may take lots of practice to:

*Learn to get clear about your own needs and desires 

*Then practice clearly expressing them

*And, express them without caretaking the other person’s feelings



Many of us tend to respond by defending, arguing or cross complaining when our partner is sharing something.  Instead of making it about YOU, work on listening to your partner’s story with curiosity and openness.


*Stay calm (breath, positive self talk, etc.)

*Give space for them to fully express needs and desires (especially if you know they are practicing)

*Don’t take it personally

*Focus on understanding your partner, rather than bringing your own agenda, opinion, etc.


If these challenges resonate with you and you need help with opening more clear channels of communication, we can help!

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