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Advice About Marriage from Divorcees (hint: think Garden)

November 20, 2013
Posted By: Counseling Center of Cherry Creek
counseling in denver

How many of us think we know how to make a marriage work before we actually get married?

It’s like thinking we know how to parent before we have kids.

Do you remember the times when you thought: ”NOT-MY-KIDS!” when you heard the tantrums on an airplane, at the mall, on in the grocery store? Remember how it felt when, fast forward a few years, and those ARE your kids. It’s humbling.

Relationship Therapy in Denver, CO

There is this article making the rounds online called “20 Marriage Tips Everyone Should Know.“ Most of the tips are right on and are valid for both men and women, hetero and same-sex relationships alike. Many of the tips in this article are things that divorcees have told me other the years.

Here are the statements that I hear most often from individuals who have been divorced, either recently or decades before:

  1. “I should have paid more attention.”
  2. “If I had to do it again, I would have noticed her more. She fell off of my radar at some point.”
  3. “I wish I wouldn’t have gotten so lazy with things.”
  4. “I spent so much time making him wrong that I couldn’t see what was right.”
  5. “If we had looked for help earlier, maybe things would have ended up differently.”
  6. “By the time we got to a couples therapist, we hated each other so much we just didn’t care anymore at that point.”

You have probably heard some of the very same statements from friends or family, or maybe you have said some of the same things yourself.

I often liken our relationships to gardens: If you feed your garden good stuff regularly, it grows and can nourish you and your children. If you ignore the garden and do not feed it, when you go there for nourishment, there is nothing to harvest.

This is a good and simple place to start.

Schedule a Consultation with a Denver Therapist Today

If you want to know more about how to feed your garden, schedule a free 20-minute consultation now with one of our therapists, Meagan Berry, Chris Weaver, or Margie Kaems. Or call 720.457.3342. Decide. Show up. 

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