Do we stay together for the kids?
"Do we stay together for the kids?"
This is a common question heard in our offices.
STAY: keep an ‘intact’ family with 2 parents who are marginally connected, infrequently being intimate, and waiting for the day in August when the last kid ships off to college before they call it quits…
LEAVE: divorce and deal with the loss of financial security, the great unknown of how the children will manage two households and emotional challenges, and hope (pray) to eventually find another mate who feels like a better match.
You are not the first person to make a list of the innumerable reasons to leave…and the seemingly one reason to stay…the kids.
Most people who are on the threshold of making this decision describe this process as one of the most agonizing of their lives…at the crossroads of what could have been and what might be. Little certainty on either path.
“I know it sounds crazy but…it would be so much easier if he were having an affair!”
“I feel like I have no good reason to be unhappy! It’s not like he is abusive or anything.”
Most couples therapists do not make it their business to weigh in on this decision for their clients. But rather, the job of a skilled therapist is to help you uncover the path that is congruent for you…in this moment…with this situation…all of it unique to you and your life.
This process is not one-size-fits-all.
Your well-meaning friends and family might readily weigh in with their own experiences and thoughts…about why you should or should not leave.
“Your Aunt Joan left Uncle Bill and, I tell you, it was the worse decision that she every made! Lost their house, never found anyone else and lived alone until the day she died. Terrible. Should have just stuck it through…”
“My neighbor left his wife and after a year met the most amazing woman on Match! The got married last year and they are really like the modern day Brady Bunch! All their kids just love each other — one big happy family. He says it was the best decision he ever made.”
Of course you know that their stories are not yours…but it is so hard not to put yourself in the offered scenarios and think…which of those stories will be me?
If any of this sounds familiar, please know that you are not alone.
Also, know that help is available.
At Counseling Center of Cherry Creek we have licensed clinicians who specialize in relationship counseling and who can help you untangle the many parts of your life to help you have just a bit of room to breath and to see a fuller picture.
No, we won’t tell you what to do or make the decision for you.
But we will provide you with:
- space where you can unpack the thoughts, feelings, and ideas swirling around in your mind
- a private place to unload the emotions that have backed up from the months or years of strain in your relationship
- a fresh perspective by reflecting what we see and hear that maybe you do not in your own situation
- a judgment free-zone where you can tell your story knowing that your therapist is outside of your community and all of that information stays 100% confidential
Don't wait one more minute.
Call our Client Ambassador today at (720) 457-3342 ext 0
and let one of our licensed and trained therapists help you get on your right path.