Counseling Center of Cherry Creek

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Relationship Strengths: What’s your highway?

Have you taken the StrengthsFinder test by Tom Rath? I took mine a few months back and it confirmed that my top few strengths include: connection, empathy, and relating to othersIdentify Relationship Strengths .

The cool thing about this strengths test and ones like it is that they point to places where we hold natural gifts…places where the road is well-paved and we can travel light and fast — like a highway. These highways are places that feel like they come easily for you like nurturing people, listening to someone, making people laugh, being the life of the party, or always keeping your word.

We all have these ...

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Learning to Speak Our Needs in Relationships

“Why don’t you LISTEN to me?!”Relationship Therapy Denver CO

“He NEVER talks about his feelings!”

“She punishes me by withholding sex.”

These are some of the most common statements that I hear from people who come to my office and who I work with online. Have you ever said or been the recipient of such a statement?

Where did you learn to speak your relationship needs?

Most of us learn to speak our needs through words that are pretty blaming of the other person. And most of us, when we feel blamed by someone shut down, pull away or fight back. Not the best recipe for a ...

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The “D”-Word — And by “d”-word I mean divorce

Divorce This week we have had a number of calls that have gone like this:

“Hi, I am looking for some relationship help…my husband and I are having some trouble…over the weekend, he actually brought up the “D” word. You know…divorce. I couldn’t believe it and frankly, don’t know how we got here. I’m wondering if you can help?”

When we get married we rarely think that we will be getting a divorce. Most couples have an unspoken understanding about the “D”-word…it is off limits and we just don’t go there.

Well…until we do.

And sometimes, we do go there.

For most of the couples who I have worked ...

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Valentine’s Day TED Talk with Esther Perel

Esteemed psychotherapist and family therapist Esther Perel gave a discussion-provoking TED talk — The Secret to Desire in Long-term Relationships last week on Valentine’s Day in New York. Recommended watching for anyone willing to engage in an open and mind-expanding conversation of something that many couples don’t know how to talk about.

So…how does what Esther share change your perception of desire in long-term relationships? 

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Robustness

Robustness in Relationships This morning I was reading an essay by one of my favorite poets, thinkers, and expressers of life, David Whyte. He was writing about robustness…robustness as being “physically or imaginatively present in the very firm presence of something or someone else.” What a beautiful way to think about and feel into our relationships with our own selves and our relationships with others. 

He goes on to say, “Being robust means we acknowledge the living current in something other than our own story. Robustness is a measure of the live frontier in our lives, whether it is a wrestling match, a good exchange of ideas ...

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“The World is not something to look at….

Girl Surfing“The World is not something to
look at, it is something to be in.”
– Mark Rudman

The bugger is, when we “be” in the world it is messy. It can be painful, scary and it can leave a scar. And, we can feel very very vulnerable.

I have had the great good fortune of being incredibly vulnerable recently…I am presently experiencing what I call “vulnerability fatigue”. I am simply so damned tender from being so damned vulnerable day in and day out. When I came home today after hours of tender-hearted-vulnerability, I sat on my bed and wept. My 11-year-old son patted my hand. ...

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Forgiveness as Rushing Waters

As I was walking home today from the zoo having chaperoned a field trip for my son’s 5th-grade class, forgiveness was on my heart. Our cultural story is that forgiveness is hard. As I let that statement rest for a moment in my being it was clear that no, it is not hard to forgive but rather it is quite a lot of work NOT to forgive.

I walked home down the tree-lined streets of my neighborhood with the brilliant sun hanging in the cerulean sky, cool breeze chilling my cheeks, hearing the sweet chirpy-chirps of the new finches in the bushes and feeling my heart open and grateful for this beauty ...

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