Relationships
can be tough...
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Do you feel like you have tried everything and nothing seems to work? We are here to help.
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I tell wives all of the time, “Your husband is a grown ass man and can take care of his own feelings.”
This after the wife has said that she cannot possibly tell him the truth, the whole truth because he cannot handle it.
This, ladies, is a TERRIBLE strategy that results in you infantilizing your husband, protecting him from his emotions, ...
Our culture does a great job selling us the idea of The One — the one person who is a great fit:
I hate to break it to you but The One is a myth. It does not exist.
If you want to be in ...
It is common that we get phone calls from husbands who say this exact statement.
He will start by saying, “I need to make an appointment for myself for individual counseling.” When we ask, “Tell me a little bit about what is going on that brings you ...
Many people have heard the statistics that anywhere between 40 and 70% of couples in a committed relationship will experience an affair (an 'affair' defined very broadly here from sexual interaction to flirting via text).
Infidelity is one of the number one reasons why couples find themselves ...
Think about football for a minute...two teams engaging in a rough battle to win.
We deal with affairs everyday at our offices.
People are lonely. People are disconnected. People make choices that hurt people that they love.
Most of us know couples who have managed to stay together after affairs. But the real work is the work of healing ...
Our therapists log a fair number of hours talking about sex.
How much sex couples are having. How little sex couples are having. What kind of sex couples want to have. You name it.
Most people who are married understand that sex is not ...
It is quite common that couples in long-term committed relationships hit periods of time when one or both partners have low sex drive or desire for sex.
This is normal and to be expected for periods of weeks, months or for ...
I am working toward my certification in Sex Therapy right now which means lots of reading and classes related to sex, sexuality, and sexual expression. [How fun is that?!]
A couple of weeks ago, I had the chance to attend a workshop in Los ...
There has been a lot of buzz this week about affairs after the Ashley Madison scandal that broke.
Channel 7 News Denver even interviewed our own Jenny Glick, MA, MSC, LMFT to get her take on the situation.
Sadly, much of the substance of the conversation with the reporter was edited out. Here is what you missed...
My husband and I just celebrated 15 years of marriage last week.
A milestone for any couple but a hard earned one for us (like for many many of you as well).
It is just as important ...
We are seeing lots of discussion about this question in pop culture right now. Debates with “relationship experts” and hot conversations looking to drive up ratings about how affairs might in fact be able to (gasp) help marriages. Affairs ...
We get several calls a week from people who have just learned that their spouse has been having an affair. During these calls, I hear disbelief, pain, grief, and fury. All of these varying emotions are normal and to be expected.
I hate Valentine's Day. I do, I know, it sounds weird as someone who has devoted her life to relationships...but it is true.
Valentine's Day has always felt like a contrived holiday where couples (and singles!) feel pressure to demonstrate their love and devotion to the other. Grand overtures are sweet but do not make up for ...
Sometimes I hear things like, “We went to couples therapy and it didn’t work!”
Or, “When we went to therapy, all we did was talk about the fight we had the week before — I never felt like we were getting anywhere.”
Most couples engage in couples therapy because ...
This week we started a major remodel on the kitchen and main floor of our home…moving walls, refinishing wood floors, and gutting much of the existing structure.
Very exciting ...
If you are reading this, you probably know a woman, are married to a woman, or are a woman who has had sex with her partner resentfully.
It happens all of the time.
Women. Please, stop engaging in this damaging activity.
If you are unfamiliar with the why’s and how’s of this behavior, let me explain.
For many (most!) married people (especially ...
By the time most people find their way to a couple’s therapist, they have been having the same argument or fight for an average of 7 years. Seven years!
That’s seven years of repeating patterns that have not been effective in creating the kind of relationship that the couples wants. Often, when people show up in our offices they ...
“We haven’t had sex in three months.”
“I don’t even remember that last time my husband touched me…I think it was just before the birth of our son…who is now 6 years old.”
“It has been 3 years since we’ve had sex…and we don’t even have any kids!”
Most couples get stuck and feel dissatisfied in their sex lives.
Meg ...
Millions of people take spiritual and religious pilgrimages every year to places like the Ganges River, Mecca, the Golden Temple, Saint Peter’s Bascilica, and other holy places. During such pilgrimages, people walk miles for days or even weeks — such as those who walk the Camino de Santiago, in Spain. Others take months or even years to live in Ashrams ...
One of my favorite personal coaches, Emily Schromm, says, “Be your own superhero.”
Totally.
What if you decided to be your own superhero in your relationship?
Most couples come into my office wanting their partner to change:
If only he would be more attentive ...
A recent widely posted article on Facebook tells the story of a hospice nurse who identified the top 5 regrets that people have on their death beds. The results are not surprising…things like “I wish I would have stayed in touch with my friends” and “I wish I would have ...
A rather controversial and interesting discussion is occurring in the couples therapy world, “Can an affair improve my relationship?”
Crazy sounding, I know.
And yet, for those of us who work in the field, what we see is that folks who do the work after an affair ...
It is pretty common in my line of work to run across folks who simply think that they have married the wrong person. These people often describe themselves as being chosen rather than choosing.
The work of committed relationships can feel overwhelming.
We are raised in a culture where we believe, deep down, that if a relationship is "meant to be" it won't be a ton of work. Most of us know enough to know that it will be work...but no a TON of work. Right?
I was fortunate enough to give a talk for the American Diabetes Association a couple of weeks ago. I wrote about it and it was published at the GoodMenProject. Check it out!
Almost 100% of couples who come in for therapy start out by saying, “We need help communicating.” I listen for a while about the arguing, the distance between the two, how maybe they wish things were back to how they ...
Unlike some professions, being a therapist is a job but it is also something that most of us feel called to do. A good and competent therapist is often one who engages in this work as a service to their community but also a service ...
As a couples' therapist in Denver, I spend a lot of time talking with people about their sex lives.
What we ...
I am asked virtually every day, "How do I fix my marital problems with my spouse." (hint: the answer has to do with Michael Jordan....keep
For years, my response would be a wry comment, "Wouldn't it be nice to just take a pill?!" or a more serious, "You must do the work."
Today, ...
Have you seen the trailer for the new film by The Representation Project?
If you don’t know Louis C. K. the comedian you might spend some time getting to know him.
His recent visit to Conan O’Brien produced a stellar vignette on how cheap connection through media use prevents deep experiences of our inner landscapes. How many times do you reach for the phone to text, call, check FB in order to fill up space in your life. It ...
I had the good fortune of spending time with a wise teacher of mine this weekend. Through the course of the seminar, a wide range of topics was covered but something that she said, stood out to me as it relates to marital relationships: “What you hide, you get to keep.”
My ...
We have so many assumptions about relationships. Have you ever stopped to consider what your assumptions are? If you do, you might be surprised as these are the guiding beliefs that shape your marital interactions. Here are 5 common myths that I talk to couples about daily.
For some reason, we have it in our heads that a “healthy relationship” means no conflict…no strife…no complications…no opposing ideas.
This is not true.
By definition, if you are in a relationship, you will have conflict. Our relationships are eco-systems and any evolving, dynamic, changing eco-system will encounter conflict. Conflict, which is simply, opposing ideas.
The yellow ...
Do you turn:
TOWARD, AWAY, OR AGAINST
your partner, friend, or co-worker during an interaction?
This is a significant factor in determining your relationship satisfaction and sense of acceptance and value with yourself and in your relationships.
Dr. John Gottman and his team have pioneered the scientific research of couples, marriage, and relationship in the last ...
Writer, lecturer, and Buddhist-meditation-guru, Tara Brach writes in this week’s Huffington Post article that if we defend against the experience of loss, we miss the opportunity to connect with others. What she is talking about is how most of us push away those feelings of sadness, pain, and hurt covering them over with ...
Have you taken the StrengthsFinder test by Tom Rath? I took mine a few months back and it confirmed that my top few strengths include: connection, empathy, and relating to others.
The cool thing about this strengths test and ones like it is that they point to places where we hold natural gifts…places where ...
“Why don’t you LISTEN to me?!”
“He NEVER talks about his feelings!”
“She punishes me by withholding sex.”
These are some of the most common statements that I hear from people who come to my office and who I work with online. Have you ever said or been the recipient of such ...
This week we have had a number of calls that have gone like this:
“Hi, I am looking for some relationship help…my husband and I are having some trouble…over the weekend, he actually brought up the “D” word. You know…divorce. I couldn’t believe it and frankly, don’t know how we got here. I’m wondering ...
Esteemed psychotherapist and family therapist Esther Perel gave a discussion-provoking TED talk — The Secret to Desire in Long-term Relationships last week on Valentine’s Day in New York. Recommended watching for anyone willing to engage in an open and mind-expanding conversation of something that many couples don’t know how to talk about.
So…how does what Esther share change your perception of desire in long-term ...
This morning I was reading an essay by one of my favorite poets, thinkers, and expressers of life, David Whyte. He was writing about robustness…robustness as being “physically or imaginatively present in the very firm presence of something or someone else.” What a beautiful way to think about and feel into our relationships ...
“The World is not something to
look at, it is something to be in.”
– Mark Rudman
The bugger is, when we “be” in the world it is messy. It can be painful, scary and it can leave a scar. And, we can feel very very vulnerable.
I have had the great good fortune of ...
As I was walking home today from the zoo having chaperoned a field trip for my son’s 5th-grade class, forgiveness was on my heart. Our cultural story is that forgiveness is hard. As I let that statement rest for a moment in my being it was clear that no, it is not hard to forgive but rather it is quite ...
What might snickerdoodles have to do with relationships?
I was recently reading the Huffington Post with their pros giving tips on best strategies for health in 2013. In her short article Eve Hogan lists some smart and simple strategies for relationship health:
1) Remember What Your Goal Is: A Healthy, Loving Relationship
2) Step Two: Simply Notice Your Own Response To The ...
I just returned from a wonderful retreat at the Sophia Peace Center in Dolores, CO. A beautiful winter wonderland blanketed in white snow and burning brightly with dazzling stars during the night. A perfect spot to delve into the deeper workings of the soul. I attend such retreats regularly to, among other things, ...
I had the good fortune to spend the holiday outside of beautiful Winter Park, CO. For most of us, this intense time with family and friends is filled with joy and occasionally a gentle (or not so gentle) reminder that we need to give ourselves time alone…in quiet…to replenish in order to be better in our relationship with our loved ...
As a couples therapist and relationship specialist, I spend a fair amount of time talking about infidelity with people. When does it happen? Why does it happen? How often does it happen? Will it happen to me?
The research is a bit confusing on the subject…we know that between 20 and 70% ...
Since I have begun writing a blog, I have also begun to read blogs as well. And, wow, there are some great blogs out there! Some of the blogs that I have been reading recently are about minimalism or living simply.
Courtney Carver’s bemorewithless.com is one that I particularly enjoy. Today she is ...
It seems that everyone is talking about Brene Brown…the way she has exposed our culture and our world to an honest and open conversation about vulnerability and shame is extraordinary…and, I believe, helping to change our global consciousness about living more authentically.
For most of us, it is one thing to sit around ...
So began my morning with my 11-year old son.
One of the things that I LOVE about being a relationship specialist and having a child is that it keeps me humble.
Being in a relationship with a tween is just like being in a relationship with anyone else. As soon as I think ...
Ok…first of all, to be clear, this is not a scientific study. But rather a query that I took to some of my close colleague-friends in the field of couples therapy. I asked, “What is the one thing that you hear most from the couples in your office?”
The ...
