Counseling Center of Cherry Creek

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Why Your Annoying Spouse is Actually Your Soulmate

Rocks on water | Counseling Denver CO

I have always *hated* the idea of a soulmate. It felt so Hollywood, lazy, and Prince Charming to me...and totally grates against my feminist sensibilities.

 

Recently, however, I have been reconsidering this perspective and here is why.

 

So many women and men who I work with say:

“I just feel like we are roommates.”

Roommates = cozy, comfortable, ...

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Love is Growing Up

Activist, author, and preacher James Baldwin famously wrote, “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”

So many couples who we work with say things like…

  • I love my husband but I’m not in love with him anymore.
  • I do I love my wife! But I get so angry and I know that I can blame and ridicule her. But I do love her.
  • I just don’t ...

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Be a Grown A** Woman

Woman Meditating | Therapist Denver COI joke with my clients often that I am going to write two books: How To Be A Grown Ass Man and How To Be A Grown Ass Woman.

Full disclaimer: all of us have parts of ourselves that need to be grown up, so as special as you are, you are not that unique in needing some up-leveling. In other words, don’t take this too personally. ;-)

Being a grown ass woman means being accountable for your actions and inactions. Knowing that your criticism, contempt and yes your ...

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Don’t Allow Habit to Ruin Your Relationship

Denver Counseling

Pema Chodron teaches “whatever you do you are strengthening that habit".

She goes on to teach that humans so often mindlessly allow habituated thoughts, feelings, and actions to create stress, anxiety, and fear in their lives. Without much awareness about the process, you unconsciously get better at the things that bring us disconnection, loneliness, and pain.

If you have spent more than six months with a partner or lover, you have likely already begun to develop a number of habits — thoughts both good and not-so-generous about the person, feelings both good and not-so-generous, and actions both good and not-so-generous. If you are like many people, you have a slight tendency to ...

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Three Proven Ways to Connect with Your Partner

So many couples complain about not feeling “connected” to their partner. Sometimes the other partner is confused by what “connected” means. 

“Well we live together. We sleep together. We talk everyday. How much more connected do you want to be?”

Connection is often about creating an energy between you and your lover. Yes, please notice that I did not say “partner” or “spouse” but “lover” — a word that few of us use to describe (or treat) our significant other…which is maybe why so many people say that they feel like they are living with a roommate. Just a thought…

Anyway…connection is something ...

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Why do we bother staying married?

You might have read this well-publicized article from July 2015 in the New York Times "The Wedding Toast I Will Never Give" by Ada Calhoun. 

Eloquently and with humor, Calhoun describes her experience in an 11-year marriage which is not what weddings make it out to be. She illustrates sitting at weddings of her friends and listening to the romantic vows of “best friends forever” and “til death do we part” while thinking the honest truth, for her, about marriage:

I want to say that one day you and your husband will fight about missed flights, and you’ll find yourself ...

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