I just found out my spouse is having an affair. What do I do?
We get several calls a week from people who have just learned that their spouse has been having an affair. During these calls, I hear disbelief, pain, grief, and fury. All of these varying emotions are normal and to be expected.
Many people ask, “What do I do now?!”
When you have discovered or learned about your spouse’s infidelity, your world will likely feel upended. Quite literally, you might feel like you are spinning. You might feel very distractible and unable to focus while at the same time feeling overcome with wave after wave of emotion related to this new information.
You might find yourself piecing together events over the last many weeks or months — realizing that during that extended business trip is when it started or now understanding all of the time your partner was trying to explain away texting on the phone. Each realization may hit you like a fresh wave of agony as you try to make sense of what is happening.
Asking for help is a good first step.
The job of a trained marriage therapist is to provide a productive space where each person can heal from an affair.
It is common for the spouse who had the affair to say, “I dont’ want to go to therapy…you and the therapist are just going to gang up on me!”
The therapist’s job is to help you both understand how you created a relationship (a system) where this kind of emotional disconnection and give you tools to create the relationship that you desire. It is her job to help both of you understand the roles that you each played in supporting this kind of dynamic.
Further, a trained therapist will teach you tools to talk about the tough truths in your marriage…to help you go to new vistas in your relationship where healing and reparation is possible.
For many couples, an affair can feel impossible to mend. Many couples choose to divorce after discovering infidelity.
But, for other couples, the affair was a cry for help. A way to shout, "I CANNOT KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS!" For these couples they decide to do the personal growth work of taking accountability and creating new patterns in their relationship.
So, what do you do when you find out about an affair in your marriage?
Get some support. Find a trained marriage therapist who knows how to expertly work with these issue and get your life back on track.
Call today and our Client Ambassador would be happy to talk with you about scheduling an appointment this week! (720) 457-3342 ext 0. Call now. We are here to help.