Advice About Marriage from Divorcees (hint: think Garden)
How many of us think we know how to make a marriage work…before we actually get married?
It’s like thinking we know how to parent until we have kids.
You remember the times when you heard the trantrumy-screamy-whiny-”NOT-MY-KIdS!” kids on an airplane, at the mall, in the grocery store. Remember how it felt when, fast forward 5 or 10 years and, those wereyour kids. It’s humbling.
There is this article making the rounds online called “20 Marriage Tips Everyone Should Know“. Most of the tips are right on and are true for both men and women, hetero and same-sex relationships alike. Many of the tips are things that divorcees that I work with have told me other the years.
Here are the statements that I hear most often from individuals who have been divorced, either recently or decades before:
1. “I should have paid more attention.”
2. “If I had to do it again, I would have noticed her more. She fell off of my radar at some point.”
3. “I wish I wouldn’t have gotten so lazy with things.”
4. “I spent so much time making him wrong that I couldn’t see what was right.”
5. “If we would have looked for help earlier, maybe things would have ended up differently.”
6. “By the time we got to a couples therapist, we hated each other so much…well, we just didn’t care any more at that point.”
You have probably heard some of the very same statements from friends or family…or maybe you have said some of the same things yourself.
I often liken our relationships to gardens: If you feed your garden good stuff regularly, it grows and can nourish you and your children. If you ignore the garden and do not feed it, when you go there for nourishment, there is nothing to harvest.
This is a good and simple place to start.
If you want to know more about how to feed your garden, schedule a free 20 minute consultation now. Or call 720.457.3342, Jenny Glick is a licensed marriage & family therapist and is ready to help you start to feed your garden. Decide. Show up.