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“My wife says that she can’t do this any longer…”

It is common that we get phone calls from husbands who say this exact statement.He will start by saying, “I need to make an appointment for myself for individual counseling.” When we ask, “Tell me a little bit about what is going on that brings you to make this phone call today.”He will go on:“Well…she has asked me to go to couples counseling a few years ago but I refused.”“Now she is saying that she cannot do this any longer.”“I knew that she was unhappy but I didn’t realize that she was this unhappy.”“She moved out ...

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You Are What You Think...

There is a Buddhist saying, “You are what you think.”What do you think about yourself?What do you think about your present relationship?What do you think about your past relationship(s)?What thoughts are running around in your head right now about yourself — right now, say them out loud or write them down.I was recently sitting with a client who has a long history of judgment about her body. She can be quite harsh on herself about her weight and play mental games to try to “encourage” ...

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How to Affair Proof Your Marriage

Many people have heard the statistics that anywhere between 40 and 70% of couples in a committed relationship will experience an affair (an 'affair' defined very broadly here from sexual interaction to flirting via text).Infidelity is one of the number one reasons why couples find themselves in a therapists office.Why?Because prior to the affair, the couple likely was unable to address some tough issues. They were likely unable to have those very very uncomfortable conversations..."I don't know that I'm in love with you anymore.""I feel attracted to a co-worker.""I'm not attracted to you anymore.""I ...

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Talk To Your Partner About Your Fantasies

It is quite normal for you to fantasize -- about a bigger home or a smaller home...about your *dream* job...and about sexual encounters.Fantasies are normal.Fantasies are healthy.Fantasies can really improve our sex lives.Do you talk to your partner or spouse about your fantasies? Have you shared with them your deepest desires? If the answer is no, you are not alone.Most couples never talk about their fantasies. It feels too private or too vulnerable to do so. And some fantasies may be better left in the recesses of our minds where they can be visited in private on our own. However, ...

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